


A Study in Puzzlement

by Sparcina



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: A plant who is not a plant, Aliens studying humans, Anal Sex, F/M, Kissing, M/M, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-09 23:01:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8916490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sparcina/pseuds/Sparcina
Summary: In which someone knows better than those silly humans, but also nothing at all. Or where Tony, Steve and Loki end up furthering an alien's studies with their lovemaking.





	

 

The God Loki has offered me a place to stay in the Avengers Tower. All its residents believe I’m a plant, as if sporting leaves and enjoying warm soil is tantamount to spending one’s days photosynthesizing. Such abysmal ignorance... In Asgard, I am a gifted scholar, and thus have had the pleasure of being elected by the almighty Loki to continue my studies of aliens in Midgard.

And I am quite busy. Those humans might be silly–and hardly worth my time, or my God’s–but they are thoroughly entertaining in their silliness.

*

My name would bruise a human tongue, so I shall save both of us the trouble and present my findings instead.

The female they call Natasha is a favorite of mine. She is deadly, like my master, and doesn’t quite belong in this place of glass and concrete. She should be out ‘on a killing spree’, as the humans say. She is bored inside those walls, just like I am. She likes to fight. If her body hadn’t been so frail, she would have made an excellent soldier in my master’s army.

But instead of beheading the scum of the New York realm, she follows ‘that gay black dude” around like a trained pet, going on missions that could hardly have any incidence on her own life. What astonishes me the most, though, is how she keeps indulging the one they name Hawkeye.

Clint is ‘a pain in the ass’, as I’ve come to learn. He is much gifted in archery, but hardly in anything else, if the snappy retorts and punches he gets on a regular basis for ‘being a dick’ are anything to go by. There’s one thing in his favor, though: he isn’t afraid of ‘that fucking scary woman’ and follows her around in much the same way she follows ‘this meddlesome fucker that ought to get laid, or else’. He is what the humans call ‘in love’. What a peculiar concept. Back in Asgard, there is mating, and marriage. Love is a frivolous notion that only humans could come up with.

I have reasons to believe that Clint has been ‘in love’ with Natasha for years. Natasha is a natural killer, so she yearns for subtler things than sex, as does my master. And yet I’ve borne witness to their hurried coupling the other day.

Natasha had been perched on the kitchen counter, as elegant as ever, and Clint had lowered his head, asking if he could eat her. I haven’t seen any eating being done, but the activity must have been pleasant, for they both smiled afterwards. And the Black Widow never smiles.

I asked my mentor and favorite God why humans bother with ‘mind-blowing sex’ if the goal is not to produce offspring. I mentioned the eating thing to him, puzzled enough to step on my ego and beg for a logic explanation. I thrive on logic, mind you.

My master smiled at that. “They are attached to the flesh, those humans. Carnal pleasure is for them what intellectual satisfaction is to us.”

In other words: a most puzzling habit from which evolution hasn’t yet cured their species.

*

There are two men in a suite that I’ve been made aware of: Steve and Tony. In my species, such short names usually mean a low social station, but things work differently in Midgard. Like courtship.

The ‘blushing little princess’ and the ‘careless asshole, oups, I didn’t mean it quite like that’ are clearly ripe for a mutual claiming. However, they act in a very fascinating fashion, calling each other names and ‘touching themselves’ in separate bedrooms. Why they would let all those pheromones go to waste–and ignore them–is beyond me. Their strange ritual is actually one of the main reasons why I’ve requested to spend a few more months in that realm. Loki is very accommodating.

*

Tony is a mischievous being. I like him best because he never forgets to water me–not that I couldn’t do it myself, but I relish the attention. Sometimes I think he knows that I am not from here, but then does something like leaving the room Steve enters and locking himself into that bedroom of his for a little ‘solo time’, and I know better than to get my hopes up.

Humans enjoy watching ‘movies’. That stream of pictures must be as entertaining for them as their lives are to me, because they keep watching different variations. I’ve figured out after a few nights that Tony uses this opportunity to sit beside Steve. That human goes to great lengths to torture himself. My god has told me he was insane, a condition quite frequent of the human mind.

The more time I spend on Midgard, the less I understand its inhabitants.

*

I decided to speak to Tony. He couldn’t reply, but I was able to reach his mind and form words into that limited brain of his. To this day, I’m not sure if he was ripe enough to feel my superior touch, but things started to get interesting after that point.

He sat closer to Steve on movies’ night. He didn’t quite masturbate so often anymore, but took many more cold showers. He asked Steve on a date, albeit why someone would want to pin someone else on a calendar evades me completely. I sent my mind to follow them to what they call a ‘restaurant’ and witnessed that strange thing they call a ‘kiss’. It involves a lot of saliva and animal noises that disturb me deeply.

They went back to Tony’s room after. Clint claims that they ‘fucked like rabbits in heat’, an expression I haven’t yet been able to decipher, given that they didn’t turn furry during the act and hadn’t suffered from fever.

I didn’t know two males could derive pleasure from ‘blowing’ each other. Males don’t have the parts to allow little ones to grow, and yet they seem unaware of that, sticking their maleness into asses even though every sign points to things working the other way around.

Most puzzling.

*

The last day of my observation trip has arrived, so I pack my belongings and seek out my God and mentor. His psychic scent is strong in the tower. It comes as no surprise to me: Loki Liesmith likes to provoke the humans I’ve chosen to study. They aren’t all predictable, he claims, and I think I’ve even caught him admitting to being curious of one of the mortal’s cunning.

At long last, I find my God with the two men in a suit. I expected them to be engaged in one of their fierce battles, as my master enjoys sparring with the inferior species of Midgard. And yet what my senses gather has nothing to do with fighting.

There are quite a few asses and cocks implied, though. I try to make sense of the fluid mixture of arms and legs intertwined. Moans and groans fill the room.

“Oh god, I love your cock, Tony, harder, harder!”

“Fuck, Steve! You feel so good, you’re so warm, so tight, I want to fill you up… Loki!”

Tony makes a pained noise as my master fists a hand into his hair and twists his head around, plundering his mouth as if he wishes to gain intimate knowledge of his throat. Their arousal makes the air a heavy, a curious phenomena that I hastily note in my mental book.

Then my master shoves his organ between Tony’s cheeks and thrusts hard into him.

If I’ve had eyebrows like humans do, I would have raised one. They are all impaling themselves on one another as if it makes a great deal of sense. They gasp and moan and call the other ‘slut’, ‘cunt’, ‘tight’ and ‘hot’. Small words, for small minds, and yet my master doesn’t seem to mind as he shouts his fertile load deep inside Tony Stark, who in turn leaks into Steve Rogers.

I wonder if Tony knows that my God has just impregnated him. I believe I shall bring back an interesting thesis report to my school.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm looking for a beta to read over a 7.000-word OS Stony morphing into Frostiron. If you are available/interested, please message me on Tumblr (lokiandhannibal is my name).


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